Episode 5 Performance, People-Pleasing & the Scarcity Mindset

🎙️ Episode 5: Performance, People-Pleasing & the Scarcity Mindset – You Don’t Have to Earn Love

Title: Stop Performing for Love – You Are Already Worthy

Welcome back to The JoyFULL Woman Podcast, I’m Joy, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Therapist, today I want to shake some things loose in your spirit. I want to talk about the trap of performance and people-pleasing, especially for us women. Because for too long, we’ve been told that our worth is tied to what we give, what we do, and how well we take care of everyone else. We’ve been nurtured by nature, conditioned to love unconditionally, and socialized to see the potential in others—and sometimes, that gets us stuck in places where we are starving for real love but still settling for scraps.

Part 1: The Performance & People-Pleasing Trap

People-Pleasing & the Traps of It

• People-pleasing is the tendency to prioritize others' needs, desires, and expectations at the expense of one's own well-being, often rooted in the fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment. (From Attachment style and/or trauma- we develop this response of over performing/earning)
• Traps of People-Pleasing:
  • Loss of Identity – Constantly shifting to fit others' expectations leads to a loss of self.
  • Burnout & Resentment – Over giving results in emotional exhaustion and hidden resentment.
  • Fear-Based Relationships – Relationships become based on approval rather than authenticity.
  • Manipulation & Exploitation – People-pleasers are more susceptible to being taken advantage of.

People-pleasing is a survival response rooted in fear, often leading to self-neglect and disempowerment.

3. Social Conditioning for Women

• Definition: Social conditioning refers to the cultural, familial, and societal messages that shape beliefs, behaviors, and expectations—often unconsciously.
• For Women Specifically: we are often taught/told or inferred that:
  • Be agreeable and accommodating (reinforcing people-pleasing).
  • Prioritize others over themselves (leading to burnout).
  • Seek external validation (rather than self-worth from within).
  • Feel pressure to be perfect, beautiful, and self-sacrificing to be lovable.

Social conditioning teaches women to derive their worth from how well they serve others rather than from their inherent value.

Part 2: Scarcity Mindset & Settling for Scraps

Part 3: How to Step into Worthiness & Healthy Relationships

Reflection & Journaling Prompts

📖 Breaking Free from People-Pleasing & Performance:

1. When did I first learn that I had to "earn" love?
2. Do I feel like I have to prove my worth in my relationships? Why?
3. What relationships in my life feel one-sided? Where am I over-giving?
4. If I truly believed I was worthy, how would I act differently in my relationships?
5. Am I seeking love in places where I am not being loved in return?

📖 Shifting from Scarcity to Abundance:
6. Do I believe love is scarce? Where did I learn that?
7. What would it look like to trust that love will come to me naturally?
8. What boundaries do I need to set to protect my heart?
9. What does it mean to sit at the feast instead of begging for scraps?
10. How can I deepen my relationship with God to fill my need for love?

Closing Encouragement & Prayer

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