Dating with Discernment: Red Flags, Narcissists & Finding a True Partner

 Episode 6: Dating with Discernment: Red Flags, Narcissists & Finding a True Equal as a High-Achieving Christian

Welcome back to The JoyFULL Woman Podcast! I’m Joy a Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Christian Therapist, and today, we’re diving into a real and necessary conversation about dating as a high-achieving Christian woman. Dating today feels like the wild west, but if you’ve ever been on dating apps, gone on a first date, speed dated or tried to navigate modern Christian dating, you know it can feel extra complicated when you are a woman who is confident, self-aware, and actively working on herself.

Today, we’re going to break down:

Your attachment style and dating

Why dating as a high-achieving Christian woman is uniquely challenging
How to avoid falling for emotionally unavailable or toxic partners
Red, yellow, and green flags—what they mean and how to assess them
Understanding narcissistic tendencies & power dynamics in dating
How to stop shrinking yourself & attract a true equal

How Attachment Styles Affect Dating

Attachment styles—rooted in early childhood experiences—shape how we connect emotionally, seek safety, and respond to intimacy. They don’t just show up in therapy sessions—they show up in your text messages, Tinder swipes, and relationship patterns.

1. Secure Attachment

Dating Style: Open, communicative, emotionally available. Builds trust over time, balances autonomy and closeness.
How It Shows Up: Feels comfortable with intimacy, doesn’t play games, values mutual respect and healthy boundaries.

 In the JoyFULL Woman framework, secure attachment = freedom with connection. You’re not trying to “fix” someone—you’re co-creating a safe, playful bond.

2. Anxious Attachment

Dating Style: Intense, emotional highs and lows. Often needs lots of reassurance. Tends to rush intimacy or idealize partners early on.
How It Shows Up: Overanalyzing texts, fear of abandonment, chasing emotional closeness.

3. Avoidant Attachment

Dating Style: Cool, independent, might ghost or pull away when things get serious. Craves connection and fears losing autonomy.
How It Shows Up: Hot-cold dynamics, slow to commit, avoids emotional vulnerability.

4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)

Dating Style: Intense connection + fear of intimacy = emotional whiplash. Deep craving for love but sabotages closeness.
How It Shows Up: Starts fast, then pulls back. Internal push-pull. Often tied to unresolved trauma.

Dating isn’t just chemistry—it’s nervous system compatibility. Your attachment style is either amplifying your joy or reinforcing your wounds.

Part 1: Why Dating as a High-Achieving Christian Woman Feels Different

Part 2: Red, Yellow & Green Flags in Dating

RED FLAGS (🚩 Run, Girl, Run! 🚩)
These behaviors indicate a serious lack of emotional maturity, integrity, or safety.

 YELLOW FLAGS (⚠️ Proceed with Caution ⚠️)
These behaviors might not be dealbreakers, but they require discernment and patience.

 GREEN FLAGS (✅ Worth Exploring! 💚)
These behaviors indicate emotional maturity, faith alignment, and a healthy approach to dating.

Part 3: Recognizing Power Dynamics & Narcissistic Traits in Early Conversations

Part 4: DATING SAFETY

 

Tips 3x3

🚀 3. Use the 3x3 Rule

 Reflection & Journaling Prompts

Assessing Your Dating Patterns:

1. What are my top non-negotiables in a relationship?
2. Have I ignored red flags in the past? Why?
3. Do I shrink myself in dating to be more “likable”?

📖 Shifting to Healthy Dating:
4. Am I choosing from a place of abundance or fear?
5. What does a godly, healthy relationship look like to me?